Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
