Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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