Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
