I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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