someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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