the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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