Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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