i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
