we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Actions speak louder than pants.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
