PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
