his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
