saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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