And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
