Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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