made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize