everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
