well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Randomize
