I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
