I need help removing her.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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