just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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