im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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