looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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