Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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