Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
soo... how was my night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
