Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize