Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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