We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
