Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
