Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you traded sex for a burrito?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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