maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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