I am in a vortex of obligation.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
