So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize