ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
