She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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