just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
