I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
