I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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