Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
