hotel room ftw
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
