I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
