I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
