i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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