I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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