I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
