Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
