Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
