College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
