I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
