First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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