I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
