i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
