Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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