saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
