At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
