Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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