one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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