chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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