I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His nipple licking is glorious
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