guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize