: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
