That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
