When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize