I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
